"I hate you and never want to see you again" I told my dad the night he passed away. My dad was always in and out of my life do to drugs, alcohol, and jail but this time I thought he was here to stay for good. My dad would always promise me he would never leave my side again. It was in the morning I asked my dad if he would stay with me. "sure" he said.
I fell asleep in the middle of the day, when I woke up he was gone. My grandma was there watching t.v. I ask her "where's dad?" "I have no idea honey." She said. I was heart broken, and felt like I didn't mean anything to him. My dad got home about 3 a.m, came in the room and woke my grandma and I up. He said to me "sorry I let you down it would happen again." "I've heard that before" I thought to myself.
I knew he went out to get high so I was already heated at the moment and in the vary moment I said the one thing you should never say to a parent and that was "I hate you and never want to see you again." unfortunately I got what I asked for.
I blamed myself for the longest time not for what he did but for what I said. I felt like he used because of what I said. But I shouldn't of put that on myself because he was so far gone I couldn't of done anyone different than what I did.
At the end of the day I knew he's in a better place and doesn't have to deal with drugs, alcohol, gangs, the system, and disappointing his family anymore. Everything he wanted to get away from. I never seen my dad as a bad person just made bad choices.
9 comments:
I really like this post, it really inspired me to build a relationship with my father while I can. I've never had a good relationship with my father because he is never really there. But this post really inspired me to build a good relationship with him, because he won't always be here and for that I thank you!
This post solid. I love your way of writing your post better then how I write mine. I can full on relate to your situation with the father relation. My father didn't do drugs around me or when I was born but he was never there for me. We kinda have a father-son relationship going. It sucks when you loose someone important in your life and you regret things and blame yourself for things that happen. Also wishing you could do something different, say something else, or be there when you didn't want to be there. Stay up you strong enough to handle your business. Don't let the black catch your back before the future holds your smile. Hehe..hehe..hehe
I think this post is deep.I feel bad that there last words were like that.You can't blame your family for there mistakes because every one messes up.And that life style is hard to kick if it's what you know.
I adore this post. We all say things we don't mean to the ones we love because we just want to help them and make them realize that what they are doing is hurting them and us. The worst thing about saying things we don't mean is not knowing the next time we will see that person again. One minute they are here and the next they are gone, and of course we blame ourselves. But in the end they know that we love them and all we wanted was for them to be safe.
We all make mistakes in life, but then again, everybody does. We say things we don't mean, and with that kind of loss, we beat ourselves up. This makes me think of how much better of a relationship I could have built with all my family. We don't know what we have until it's gone.
Chrysler. Your a pretty woman, when I read this, I felt bad. don't blame yourself for what happened to him. Just keep your head up and don't do drugs. Love you dude.
We all make mistakes I have be four I haven't learned to talk to people about it. I am scared that people will not like me as a friend because what happened to me. I love that you can be straight up and talk about it.
When I was 12 i lost my uncle to suicide. my uncle was a father to me after my parents divorced. he was like a father to me because he lived in my grandparents house with my mom and my sister. In October of 2010 he was in my moms apartment and shot and killed himself.
If losing my uncle was not hard enough 6 months later i lost my mom to an OD because her doctor proscribed her to high.
I don't talk too my dad much, but when I do, I don't feel normal. My dad and I don't have much of a relationship. I almost lost my dad a couple years ago due to heart attacks and a stroke. I want to build a better relationship with my dad, I just don't even know how to start. I feel terrible about what happened to your dad, and your a strong girl, and this post inspired me too meet my dad in the middle.
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